I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
