I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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