Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
