I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
