im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
