one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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