If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
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By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
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It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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