and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
