Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
