I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
