He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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