In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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