im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
