at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
