I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
