You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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