I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
