so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
