You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
