tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
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also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
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Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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