U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
