worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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