So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She even gives head with a lisp.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
