I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
