I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
