I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
