I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
