If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
