is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Sober January is a disaster.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
