in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
