you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
