Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize