So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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