i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize