seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
