It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
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