Need sex. Gaining weight.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
