You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
