Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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