he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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