Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
