"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
