just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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