this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
