Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
