Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
