I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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