Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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