I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
