I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
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Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
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Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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