this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
