WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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