"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
