My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Say something about gay babies.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
