She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
