You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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