I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
