Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
