I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
