Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
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The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
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We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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