We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
My feet surprised me
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