woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
