He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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