the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
