I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
