i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
