Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
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thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
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I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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