I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The uberlube is also flammable
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
