textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
