I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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