last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
