sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
