I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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