I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize