his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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